He's Here!

I had the baby! I even had a successful VBAC! He's wonderful and my toddler is such a great big brother and - oh, he just peed through his outfit. I'm amazed at how much laundry an infant generates. I'm off to change his outfit, I'll try to get back shortly and give more details. Life's a little nuts right now with two kids. =)

Stick A Fork In Me.

I'm done. I'm ready to have this baby. My brain wants to wait two more weeks but I'm done. I'm ready. I'm mentally prepared and I'm looking forward to the whole thing and I'm ready to go. There are dishes that need to be done and I have a load of laundry I want to do, but I don't care. Having constant contractions is just draining. Having so much discomfort when I walk up the stairs or walk around a store is ridiculous. I don't really want to be pregnant anymore. I'm looking forward to the delivery, to meeting the new baby, to seeing Turtle with his new sibling and settling back into my normal life. Life without having to sit on the couch so much and being so careful with all my movements.

When I was pregnant with Turtle I was never ready to not be pregnant. I liked being pregnant. I didn't have any contractions or anything, I was a little large, but I felt good. I liked the big belly and having people let me get in front of them in line at the grocery store. I was pretty fit, too, I walked a lot and relaxed a lot and had a nice time. I was also daunted by the whole motherhood thing. It was MUCH easier to take care of a baby when it lived in my belly. I could keep it safe and protected and happy so easily. Towards the end of my pregnancy when people would say I must be ready to get it over with I would smile but think, hell no! Why would I want to get it over with? This is the life! I got to nap and wander around town and read and sit in the sun! THIS time, however, I'm not feeling so much like the fertile goddess I felt like last time. I'm uncomfortable and tired and annoyed at how long this is taking. I want to resume my normal life as Mommy. I'm tired of sending my toddler off to family so I can rest, I want to get back to my routine and be able to run around the park with my boys. I want my body back!!

Every Three Minutes!

Well, last night was no fun. At about 8:30pm I started getting contractions every three minutes. After an hour and a half of these I started to worry a little bit. My husband also had to work really late last night and was a little over 30 minutes away, so it didn't help that I was alone. I didn't feel like I was actually going into labor, but I'd never had such consistent contractions so close together for so long. I read my What to Expect book about real labor and false labor symptoms and it said real labor contractions don't go away when you change positions or get up or sit down. These weren't going away no matter what I was doing. And I had developed a nagging backache that was another real labor symptom in the book. It was weird. They weren't the most painful contractions, but they were so frequent that I had no idea what was going on. My mom said I should call my dr. so after having them for two hours I did. They suggested I go to the hospital to get monitored, but by then it was after 10pm and I really didn't feel like dealing with all that. It still didn't feel like real labor, it just felt weird, so he said I should try going to sleep - if I could sleep through them then it wasn't real labor. If they woke me up then I should go to the hospital. Since I'm trying for a VBAC he said I should be monitored more closely.

It took forever to get to sleep and then I woke up at 1am when my husband came to bed and couldn't get back to sleep for hours. I was still having contractions but I figured if they hadn't gotten worse and I was able to sleep for the time that I did then I must be okay. I was starving so I ate some cereal and eventually went back to sleep.

Today I'm exhausted, but I'm much better. I do feel like the baby dropped a little bit with all those contractions, though - suddenly I have to pee at least every hour so I think the baby has sunk a little further onto my bladder. All morning long the baby was putting so much pressure on my cervix it felt like he was going to just fall out. I think all this might have had something to do with my cervical exam yesterday. I think all that poking and prodding agitated things. Who knows.

I hope I make it two more weeks. I want to be at least 38 weeks when he's born. I don't know why, I guess I just want to make sure he's done cooking and he's nice and fat. In my experience big babies are so much happier. And, a month early just seems too early. I know my doctor said if I go into labor now they won't stop it, but still.

I'm told I'll know it when I'm having a real labor contraction and I need to go to the hospital. Since I didn't go through any of this last time - I did all my contracting and dilating in the hospital after being induced - it's still new to me. But fun, actually. It's all very exhilarating. Wondering, is it time? Should we get the bag ready? Knowing that I've progressed enough already that I might go into labor on my own is kind of like setting up a tent at the edge of a cliff. You're just waiting until you fall over the edge. The falling is a scary thought, but will be so thrilling!

I'm effaced!

I'm 50% effaced! I went in for my 36 week appointment today and I'm one centimeter and 50% effaced so my dr. said he'll induce me at 39 weeks if I haven't gone into labor by then. Wee! I seem to have a good chance at a VBAC - Turtle was too big but he was also 42 weeks, so this baby will HAVE to be smaller at 39. =)

I'm so excited. It's actually happening! When I was induced at 42 weeks last time NOTHING was going on. I was one centimeter but nothing else was ready. My cervix was long and thick and in denial that I was supposed to be having a baby. This time my body is actually doing what it's supposed to be doing. A little quickly, but still. It's kind of funny, with the first pregnancy my body won't do anything and after 30 hours of inducing me I end up with a C-section. This time my body seems to be in a rush to give birth.

Ever since I went in to the hospital at 30 weeks with contractions I've been having a LOT of contractions. Every day is a new adventure in discomfort. At 30 weeks I was one centimeter dilated on the outside of my cervix, but the inside was still tightly closed. I was ordered to REST because of all my contractions. At my 34 week appointment the whole thing was open one centimeter and the doctor could feel the baby's head and I was ordered to REALLY REST. The doctors really wanted the baby to get to at least 36 weeks. Now, at 36 weeks, I'm one centimeter, 50% effaced and told if I go into labor they won't stop it. I'd still be a lot more comfortable if it didn't happen for another two weeks - 36 weeks still seems a little early, plus, waiting until 39 weeks would be so much more convenient for us because of my husband's work and stuff.

I have good days and bad, but my evenings are mostly bad. I have contractions anywhere between every half hour and every five minutes in the evening. And they hurt. It's kind of exhausting, actually. And the more I do during the day the worse it is at night. But it's so hard to rest. That sounds stupid, but it's really annoying to sit around the house all day and not do anything. I thought it would be nice to have some time to relax, but it's really not very relaxing. Turtle has been spending about one night a week off with his grandparents, which is nice, but when he comes home he is SO SPOILED and kind of a pain to take care of the following day.

So, that's where I'm at. Still resting for a few more weeks but very pleased that I'm making progress all on my own.

Going, going, going

Still in the same spot. Contractions when I do too much, feel better when I rest, really tired of resting.

I have a feeling this is another big baby and I won't be able to birth it anyway. Turtle was too big to fit through my pelvis and I have a feeling that even if we induce a week early this baby won't fit through my pelvis, either. This baby is totally floating around way above my pelvis. Not engaged in the least. I'm all belly, still, too, even though I've gained 30 pounds. You can't tell from behind that I'm pregnant at all. The baby is like a shelf sticking way out in front. It's kind of funny looking, but it means that all of my maternity shirts are TOO SHORT. I have nothing to wear. I bought some men's t-shirts and those fit better. They are at least long enough, although they are getting a little tight around the belly. You know what? The whole purpose of a maternity shirt is to cover the belly, shouldn't they be long enough to do so?? I'm just bitter.

I'm trying to make myself a diaper bag before I deliver, but I don't know if that's going to happen. I have the fabric all ready to go and the plans all in my head, but I'm so tired and uncomfortable at night it's all I can do to eat and go to bed. But the fabric I have chosen is SO pretty. I hope I get it done.

Due date is getting closer and closer. I'm looking forward to it. I'm not nervous about the birth - I think I'm going to end up with a c-section which is easy enough, and I'm actually looking forward to having two kids. I think it will be really nice for Turtle to have someone to play with. He loves babies and I think he'll be tickled to have one in his house. Ignorance is bliss. I know I have no idea what it's like to have two kids and I'll have some hard realities to deal with, but for now I'm looking forward to it, so don't tell me the truth, okay? The only thing that's getting me antsy as the date comes closer is the anxiety that I won't get everything done that I want to get done. The cradle and crib are set up, the cradle sheets are washed and ready, all the baby's clothes are organized and in their appropriate shelves... I have to pack the hospital bag, find the breast pump, make my diaper bag and get a few more baby things out of the garage. Not too much. Doable. I would love to clean out the garage (never happening, ever) and get my husband to shampoo the carpets before we start leaving a baby on them, but, whatever.

So, the plumber was here for THREE AND A HALF HOURS yesterday fixing the downstairs toilet. He was here through Turtle's nap so I didn't get to lay down at all and I was so tired I was nearly crying. At one point he had both the toilet and the door to the bathroom lying in the hallway. Then he said it was fixed and he left and it's not actually fixed. It still doesn't flush. THREE AND A HALF HOURS. You could flush a bowl of water and it still won't go down. Fuck. And he left the bathroom a huge mess and left his dirty fingerprints all over the door and bits of crap all over the floor. But you know the worst part of it? It means I have to go all the way upstairs to use the bathroom and I have to use the bathroom a lot. And walking up the stairs is a pain in the ass right now.

Oof, I have to go. This sitting position of upright and leaning forward slightly in front of the computer really gets the contractions going.

Contractions

I've been having some difficulties. I went in to my doctor last week because I just wasn't feeling right. I was very uncomfortable and felt like I having something more than Braxton Hicks contractions. They weren't just the usual tightening - they were kind of painful and I couldn't really walk or sit or do much of anything. And they were frequent. I couldn't tell, though, if I was just complaining and tired from running around after a toddler or if something was actually going on. After about a week of this I finally decided I'd had enough and went to see my doctor. I could deal with the discomfort, I just needed to know that it wasn't leading to preterm labor or anything. I was expecting to go in to my doctor, get checked out, be told I wasn't dilated and I was fine and to go home. Then I would go home and be in a much better place to ignore the pain, knowing that it wasn't negatively impacting the baby.

So, I got checked out at my doctor's office and I'm a little bit dilated. Not much, but there were a few other things that were concerning my doctor, one of which was a very "forward" cervix, whatever that means. It could have been a urinary tract infection which can cause preterm contractions in the late months, so she took my pee and also did a Fetal Fibronectin test which apparently can see if you're going to go into labor in the next two weeks. She then sent me over to Labor and Delivery at the hospital to get monitored. I got set up in a birthing room and they attached a baby monitor and a contraction monitor on my belly. The baby was really kicking and moving and wouldn't stay monitored. And, I was fine for a while, no contractions. Hook me up to a monitor and they finally stop! But then they came back. My doctor was in and out delivering babies and he didn't like the look of my contractions. So I got a shot of Terbutaline which is a smooth muscle relaxant and is supposed to stop contractions. And it did. For 45 minutes. But it also makes your heart race and your hands shake like you've had a double shot espresso. About an hour after I got the shot I suddenly felt very bad, like I was going to pass out and I paged the nurse and started to sweat and couldn't see. I was sweaty and hot and cold and my hands were numb and I couldn't breathe very well. When she walked in I was lying there limp with my eyes closed, sweating. She thought I was just hyperventilating from the Terbutaline but then she took my blood pressure and it had dropped dramatically. They called it a Vasovagal. My doctor came in, they put me on oxygen and hurried around me. The baby's heartrate dropped during that time, too, but he recovered quickly. After that they really weren't interested in sending me home right away. So I called my mom, told her I was in the hospital and she came over to hang out with me. My contractions came back but after a while they sent me home with instructions to REST. Which is nearly impossible with a toddler in the house.

So, here I am at home, resting. Both the urinary tract infection test and the fetal fibronectin test came back negative, so I guess this pregnancy is just sensitive to too much activity. It's funny, Turtle had to get induced at 2 weeks overdue - I never had a contraction until I got to the hospital - and that ended in c-section. Last time we couldn't get the contractions to start, now we can't get them to stop. My husband has been doing so much around here. He gets up with Turtle, and does everything for him when he's home - feeds him, takes him to the park and he makes us all our meals and makes sure I sleep in and take naps and don't do very much. He's being absolutely amazing. And he's not complaining! I complain all the time and he must be so exhausted and worn out but he does it all with a smile. And every day when he's at work either my mom or my grampa comes over to help out with Turtle. Feeding him, playing with him, whatever. Which helps so much.

And I slowly go around and finish up all the things I want to get done before the baby comes. I'm almost there. All the important stuff is done, I think. I have a few odds and ends left, but nothing too big. It's hard to rest. It's really hard not to go and go and go until I have to stop. But when I do I pay for it later. So I'm learning to feel that it's okay to sit and rest even though there's stuff to do. It's okay to put off the laundry for a nap.

So, that's where I'm at. Resting. Trying to. I have 8 weeks left until we'll probably induce. I can hold out for 8 more weeks...

I Am A Whale

I weigh 1,000 pounds. I am enormous. It's hard to get into my downstairs bathroom - it's kind of a small bathroom and it's hard to get around the door to the toilet. And it's all out front. The baby is just hanging around like a shelf. From the back I don't look pregnant at all. But, the belly is huge. I can carry Turtle around with him sitting on the belly and I don't have to hold on to him at all. Turtle loves the belly. He calls it the baby and likes to kiss it and pat it. He also loves actual babies, although I really don't think he knows the two are connected. When we are around other kids (mostly younger than Turtle, but some his own age) he likes to rub their hair and stroke their faces and give them hugs. Mostly they don't understand and try to get away and he follows them for a bit, but some really like the attention.

Turtle's funny. He hates confrontation. He never takes another child's toy and if someone gets upset and takes away his toy he gets a look of bewilderment and backs away slowly to look for another toy. He's 20 months old, I'm assuming he's going to slip into the greedy toddler stage any day now.

He has started throwing fits lately. They are lovely. If he doesn't get what he wants he starts in with the whining. I hate that noise. And he just started getting clingy with me. He never went through the "stranger danger" phase, he has always loved everyone, but recently there have been times when he only wanted Mommy. I have to admit, there's a tiny part of me that's relieved to see that he prefers me somewhat to the random stranger. =)

My husband and I went on vacation together - alone!! It was wonderful. We slept in, took naps, watched DVDs in the middle of the day, went on walks, ate breakfast in peace. I think it's our last time alone like that before the new baby comes. Which is in three months!

I've been getting so much of my sewing done! I just finished an order a few days ago and I'm in the middle of the next order. This is good news.

But I haven't been sleeping. I can't turn off my mind. About 4 or 5 in the morning I wake up and can't stop thinking enough to get back to sleep. I've started just getting up at 6am. But it leaves me SO tired later on in the day. Turtle's naps are only an hour or an hour and a half these days which doesn't leave enough time for a mid-day nap, so by 5pm I feel broken. Physically and mentally exhausted.

But, overall, I'm doing really well. I'm doing a great job keeping the house clean and nice looking, I've been doing so much sewing and I feel good. Just a bit large.